How did I let so much time go by? The question I keep asking myself over and over today. It has been awhile since I written in my blog but I am not referring to amount of time that I haven’t written on my blog. Actually I am referring to the the amount of time I let my college writing requirement,well, undone. Now in I am stuck in a situation where I have to leave and can’t come back until its done somewhere else- Oh college how I love thee. I feel like I child because I put curtain things in front of education which I know I should have done but how can someone not be distracted by the feeling of freedom. All my life all I wanted to do was to go to college and can finally prove to everyone I am intelligent . So I can go against the stereotypes of being a latino women. I had so many dreams of leaving home and getting to really start my life. A life that was exciting and very different from the one room apartment in Oakland where my mother was scrapping by so my siblings can have a decent life. I knew college was the only opportunity for me to really leave and have a stable place to actually to start making that a reality. Although, I knew that in itself was going to be hard because even though all my teachers thought I was very intelligent , I just wasn’t a good student. Not to say that I just didn’t try to be a good student. Since there was there was a lot of “She is very nice,engaged in class but she really needs to concentrate on her work.” My mother had no idea what my teachers meant so all my mother could do was yell at me and say “nimodoes salte de la escula y ponte a trabajar/ Oh well quit school and go to work”. I don’t blame her though because there is a lot of misunderstanding in the Latino community on the issue of learning disabilities. I tired, I really tried to get to college and even though it wasn’t with my fullest potential I still made it. Although now I am back in the old cycle but the only difference I living my dream but its not going the way I expected. I underestimated how much the pressure and freedom of college would really affect me. Before I even started school they had me taken test for my placements and of course they all said the same thing, “Not ready for college level courses need to take basic courses.” So I started at the most basic level, which there is nothing wrong with that, but I felt so lost feeling that I am not meant for this and this all a mistake. Feeling like an imposter among the thousands around me thinking that I can make it all four years. The pressure was so great that my depression came back and I needed to withdraw from my classes including a required course for writing. At the same time I conflicting with the feeling of freedom I never had in my young life. Growing up with a family where as a women you need to take care of not only the home but everyone from your husband to the children I was infatuated with the feeling of only needing to relay and care for myself. A selfish kind of statement but a selfishness very few women really can experience. I had time I kept telling myself as I whipped the frustrating tears off my face. I can do it I just need keep going I will be fine eventually. Right? Can a tri-lingual young woman from single parent low income home who is struggles with ADHD,chronic depression, imposter syndrome can come back form this? When the reward is getting my freedom back and possibly the life that I not only deserve but earned. If it took me 13 years to reach my college dream then 3 months is nothing to make sure I keep following that dream. I just took the road less traveled by.